Wednesday, May 30, 2012

In Sickness and In Health

It was a hot midsummer's day.  I had gone back to work to my full time job as an accountant three weeks earlier, after a lovely three month maternity leave after having my second child, Wyatt.  That evening we stopped by McDonalds to pick up some quick dinner.  We ate at home and settled into the evening.  About an hour after dinner, I started having terrible pains through my shoulders and my abdomen.  The pains lasted into the night and were still present the next morning.  Now, a reasonable person would (and probably should) seek medical attention, but I didn't.  It was Saturday, and I would have had to go to the emergency room or to a no-appointment-needed medical facility that was open on the weekends.  I called my mom, probably several times, and discussed my symptoms, but we never came up with a diagnosis.  Sunday came, and the pain was still present.  I started poking around my abdomen and realized that my right side under my ribcage was very tender and sore.  I have two college degrees, but they are in accounting and ethics, and I didn't really like biology.  This was unfortunate, because I wasn't quite sure what organs lived where I was so tender.  Monday morning I was still sore, so I decided it was time to make an appointment with my doctor.  I called and after telling the receptionist about my terrible, painful weekend, was able to get an appointment with my doctor's nurse practitioner early that morning.  After telling the nurse practitioner my symptoms, she pushed around on my abdomen until she found the tender spot.  Luckily, she probably liked biology and knew right where all the organs were located.  She had me sit back up and said it appeared to be my gallbladder that was tender.  After an ultrasound, the radiologist was able to determine that my gallbladder was indeed full of gallstones and it appeared to be quite inflamed.  I was then transferred to a surgeon's care, and he told me the only logical course of action would be surgery to remove my gallbladder.  His nurse assured me, having had her gallbladder out several years earlier, that everything would be just fine.   In fact, in the weeks and months following my surgery, I was struck with amazement at just how many people I knew either had their gallbladders out previously, or had them out in the months that followed after mine was removed.

A few months after my gallbladder was removed, a friend of ours had his appendix removed.  This reminded me that my grandpa had to have his appendix removed during World War II, and I remember thinking to myself how ironic it would be if I ever had to have my appendix removed since I already had my gallbladder removed.  Eighteen months and five days after I had the surgery to have my gallbladder removed, I went to bed on a cold Thursday night in February, feeling just fine.  I woke up around 1:30am that Friday morning and quickly realized that I didn't feel quite right.  I wasn't nauseous, but I was just kind of in pain throughout my abdomen.  I tossed and turned for a couple of hours, and it seemed the pain kept growing more intense.  I finally drifted off to sleep.  My alarm clock woke me up shortly after 6am.  I wasn't in the same intense pain as I had been during the night, but I noticed that my lower right side was very tender when I took a deep breath or bent over.  Since it was Friday, Brad convinced me that I should visit the doctor just in case the pain was something that needed to be addressed.  I called my doctor's office that morning, expecting to only be able to get an appointment with the nurse practitioner, but she was off for the day and my doctor was taking emergency appointments only.  The receptionist had me talk to my doctor's nurse, to try to determine if my symptoms warranted a visit to the doctor.  She had me push on my belly where it hurt, and asked me several questions about the pain.  By this time, I had a nagging feeling that the pain was my appendix.  I think she must have too, because she told me to go ahead and come to the office to be seen by the doctor.  After running several tests, my doctor determined that it may indeed be my appendix, and he sent me to the hospital to have a CT Scan.  After the CT Scan, I waited patiently in the hospital X-Ray waiting room to hear the results.  I waited and waited, and Brad showed up to wait with me.  Shortly after he arrived, a lady in a white coat walked up to me and introduced herself as a surgeon.  She said that my appendix appeared to be inflamed on the CT Scan and that she wanted to do surgery right away to remove my appendix.  I walked with her down the hall to outpatient surgery, where a nurse was ready with my hospital gown.  She told me to change into the gown, and said she would be back to put in my IV.  It all happened so quickly, I barely had time to worry, barely, but I still managed a very nervous prayer. 

I now have seven scars on my abdomen, four from the incisions during my gallbladder removal, and three from the incisions during my appendectomy.  They say that an appendix infection is just random, and that gallbladder problems are quite normal for a woman in her thirties and forties, but that has just not ever sat well with me.   After my gallbladder was removed, I knew that I needed to make some changes to my diet in order to prevent other health problems for me and my family in the future, but as a busy working mom with two small children, I didn't always find the time to plan and prepare healthy meals.  My appendectomy was another wake up call that I needed to seriously look at my family's diet and make changes.  I no longer have any "non-essential" organs, and wondered what could eventually happen to the rest of my digestive tract, and my whole body, if things didn't change.  We ate wheat bread, drank low-fat milk, and tried to include fruits and vegetables in our diets, but we were also very busy and ate take-out, fast food, and highly processed foods way too often.  The wonderful thing was, that several weeks after my appendectomy, Brad and I made the decision for me to stay home with our kids.  This provided me more time with our kids of course, something I had longed for since Addi was born, but it also provided me more time to research and plan healthy meals for my family.  After Wyatt was born, I started cloth diapering him.   Learning about cloth diapers led me to blogs written by other moms who cloth diaper, but were also into other "counter-culture" things such as drinking raw milk, buying grass fed meat and free range, pastured chickens and eggs, buying only organic fruits and vegetables, never using white sugar, only honey or maple syrup, never using modern vegetable oils, only butter, coconut oil, and olive oil in their cooking and baking, and avoiding processed foods.  Doctor's often tell patients with gallbladder issues to eat a low fat diet, however the Standard American Diet is so full of industrialized fats that eating a low fat, healthy diet in today's modern, industrialized food system is a minefield.

Walk into any large grocery store's produce section and what do you notice?  You can find almost any type of fruit or vegetable you want any time of the year.  Everything is always in season at the grocery store.  Walk through the meat section and you see perfectly red beef wrapped in plastic from all over North America and the world.  There are rows upon rows of highly processed food, full of ingredients that many of us can't pronounce and have no clue what they mean.  Drive down any North Arkansas road and you can find fields with chicken houses that contain hundreds and hundreds of chickens living in cramped conditions.  It always makes me so sad to see hundreds of chickens cramped on a truck that can barely move, on their journey to being slaughtered.  But more importantly, how is this food that we eat that is raised in conditions I don't even want to think about, healthy for my family?  How can hundreds of different preservatives, food dyes, and artificial ingredients that are made in a lab, be healthy for my family to eat, every single day?  What is our modern, industrialized food-whether it's bought at a grocery store in a cardboard box or a take-out window on our way home from work-doing to our bodies?  I truly believe that modern, processed foods led to the demise of my gallbladder and appendix.

The health benefits of locally raised meat, that grazes on grass, and spends it's life happy and stress free, chickens that roam free to eat bugs, fruits and vegetables that are grown without any pesticides or fertilizers, sugars that are natural in nature and not highly processed, oils that are natural and not highly processed...the health benefits of these things are so unbelievable that we owe it to ourselves and our families to take our food seriously.  I strongly encourage you to watch the documentary "Food Inc".  If you have a subscription to Netflix it is under the documentaries section.  This movie gives an incredible overview of our current food system, and how important it is to make serious changes for our health and the health of those we love. SO MANY current diseases and conditions are being traced back to the processed food our culture now sees as normal.  We have to make changes!  We need to eat REAL food and not the processed junk that does harm to our bodies.  Below I want to outline the changes I am seeking to implement for my family:

1.       Meats such as Beef and Pork, Chicken, and Eggs (and seafood, but we’re not big seafood fans).  We prefer our meat to be local (why should all our meat be from hundreds of miles away or from a different country?) and raised without any added hormones or antibiotics.  We prefer that our meat grazed on open pasture or its natural food source (i.e. cows should eat grass, not corn).  We prefer that the grass was not treated with pesticides or fertilizers and that any additional feed was organic and/or non-GMO (genetically modified) feed.  We prefer chickens that were free to roam around outside and that were not treated with added hormones or antibiotics.  We are what we eat eats!

2.       Milk, Cheese, Yogurt, and Butter.  We prefer our milk, cheese, yogurt, and butter to be organic or to come from animals that were raised using organic practices.  However, this is the one area that is the most cost prohibitive, both for us and many others on a strict budget.  If organic milk is not feasible, we want to at least avoid milk that comes from cows that were treated with any growth hormones.  We prefer yogurt that has little or no added sugar.  Many name brand and store brand yogurts have so much added sugar that they are little more than a dessert.

3.      Fruits and Vegetables.  We prefer local, in season fruits and vegetables when possible.  A local farmer’s market is a great place to purchase these (ask each farmer about his use of pesticides and fertilizers).  Or…if you have the time and the space, grow your own!  Local and in season produce is extremely yummy!  When buying non-local or out of season fruits or vegetables, we prefer organic when possible.  Non-organic produce is usually treated with pesticides and fertilizers that are harmful to our bodies.  Each year a list of the 12 “dirtiest” fruits and vegetables is published.  These are the non-organic fruits and vegetables that have the most pesticide residue on them.  These are called the “dirty dozen”.  If you can’t afford to purchase all organic fruits and vegetables, purchasing these 12 organic is a great place to start!  The current dirty dozen are:
1.     Apples
2.      Celery
3.       Strawberries
4.       Peaches
5.       Spinach
6.       Nectarines
7.       Imported Grapes
8.       Sweet Bell Peppers
9.       Potatoes
10.   Domestic Blueberries
11.   Lettuce
12.   Kale/Collard Greens

4.     Limit sugars and use only whole, unrefined sugars in cooking and baking.  White sugar is bleached and stripped of all of its vitamins and minerals.  Brown sugar, unless stated on the package, is usually just white sugar with molasses added back to it to give it the brown color and denser texture.  Raw sugar and agave nectar claim to be more natural, but are still highly processed.  All sugars should be used in moderation, but when using whole, unrefined sugars in cooking and baking, we are at least getting some vitamins and minerals.  Examples of whole, unrefined sugars are 100% maple syrup, raw, local honey, and organic sucanat.  Sucanat stands for SUgar CAne NATural.  It is dehydrated sugar cane and can be used 1 for 1 in any recipe calling for brown sugar.

5.       Limit processed and refined flours.  White flour has been stripped of most or all of its fiber and many of the nutrients.  We aim to use more whole wheat flour when baking.  If we do use white flour, we use unbleached flour, as bleached flour can contain traces of the chemicals used to make it look so pretty and white.  I have made pancakes using part whole wheat flour and part unbleached, all-purpose white flour.  The pancakes are still delicious, but the whole wheat flour adds some fiber and more nutrients to them.  We also eat whole wheat pasta that contains only whole durum wheat flour and brown rice instead of white rice.

6.      Limit processed oils.  Processed oils are oils such as canola and vegetable oil.  These oils are marketed as creating less risk for heart disease, however new research is showing that the opposite might be true.  Unprocessed oils include olive oil and organic coconut oil.

7.      Limit processed convenience and snack foods.  We try to limit “foods” that can sit on a shelf in the grocery store or in your home for weeks or months without going bad.  These foods usually contain preservatives and other highly processed ingredients that are harmful to our bodies.  Examples of these types of foods are chips, crackers, cookies, cake and brownie mixes, cereals, granola and breakfast bars, boxed dinners, canned soups, breads, and sauces such as mayo and salad dressing.  If we buy a convenience food, we look for items with a short list of ingredients, make sure we know what each ingredient is, and look for items that are USDA certified organic if possible.  USDA certified organic items don’t contain GMO’s.  GMO’s are genetically modified plants or animals whose DNA has been altered.  Most of the corn and soybeans grown in the US today is genetically modified; therefore most processed products on the typical grocery store shelves contain genetically modified ingredients.  Since only short term testing has been done on the effects of GMO’s on humans and the environment, we are all being used as one big science experiment.  We are also trying to stay away from MSG and food dyes such as red 40, yellow 5, yellow 6, and blue 1.  MSG (monosodium glutamate) has been linked migraines, headaches, and other health issues.  It is sometimes listed in the ingredient list under other names such as autolyzed yeast, yeast extract, maltodextrin, hydrolyzed protein, sodium caseinate, mono-potassium glutamate, textured protein, and even natural flavorings.   Food dyes are usually made from petroleum and have been linked to hyperactivity in children and allergic reactions.  Food dyes can be found in many processed foods including pickles, macaroni and cheese, lemonade, fruit snacks, chips, and yogurt.
We are not perfect, but we are striving to eat better for our health and the health of our children.  If you haven't taken a good, hard look at the food your family eats, I encourage you to do so, and don't forget to watch "Food Inc".  I dove in after I watched that movie; Brad says that I drank the organic kool-laid, but food is such an important part of our everyday lives, and it impacts our lives in such a huge way, that we need to spend some time giving this part of our lives just a little more attention.  I hope this has been an encouragement to you and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you on your real food journey.  There are links on my facebook page to several real food blogs and facebook pages written by moms that have been on this real food journey a lot longer than I have, and they offer a lot of wisdom and advice.  Please take advantage of their wealth of knowledge and information! 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body."  1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Turning Point

The rain on that day matched the tears pouring down my face.  Sometimes when I lay awake at night,  blinded by darkness, I still can't believe everything that took place was not a dream.

Sometime during October 2011 a heart stopped.  Not mine, but it was a heart inside me.  I was carrying a baby boy, my third child with my husband Brad.  We were very excited, if not even more so because of the two very early miscarriages that had preceded that pregnancy.  Statistically I knew that miscarriage was common, but I had hoped those two very early miscarriages would suffice for my statistics.  I had two healthy children, a little girl named Addi in 2008, and a little boy named Wyatt in 2010.  Two healthy children and two miscarriages and the score seemed even.  I had my share of joy, and what I perceived was my share of pain and sadness, but nothing could have prepared me for that one terrible day.

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7"

Brad and I were excited to find out we were pregnant in early August 2011, and we went to our first OB appointment in late August.  I was exactly 8 weeks along and everything checked out perfectly.  We saw our baby's beautiful heartbeat during an ultrasound, and everything measured exactly as it should at 8 weeks.  Our baby's due date was to be in early April 2012.  Brad accompanied me again, as he usually had in our prior pregnancies, to my 12 week appointment in late September.  My doctor checked for our baby's heartbeat using a handheld doppler machine, and the heartbeat was immediately heard, beating away at 167 beats per minute.  In my pregnancies with Addi and Wyatt, I was not able to hear the heartbeat using the doppler until after 13 weeks, and my doctor lovingly joked that this may be our "very cooperative" child.  We announced shortly after that appointment that we were expecting a new baby, and people responded with their kind congratulations.

Everything in my pregnancy progressed seemingly normal, and I went to my 16 week appointment without Brad as we expected a routine appointment.  I remember waiting quite a while to see my doctor, and when she finally arrived in the room, asking a few questions about some general pregnancy topics.  She then had me lay on the exam table to find the heartbeat using her handheld doppler.  Since she found the heartbeat so easily at my 12 week appointment, I expected similar results that time, so I was a little concerned when she was not able to locate the heartbeat quickly.  After what seemed like minutes of silence, but was probably only 30 seconds to a minute, I felt tears well up in my eyes.  My doctor suggested I get an ultrasound to find the heartbeat as it seemed the baby was possibly moving behind my pelvic bone making it difficult for her to locate the heartbeat.  I felt numb, but managed to walk down the hall and sit in the ultrasound room waiting area.  The ultrasound tech, who is a very laid back and friendly guy, called me back and had me lay on the ultrasound table.  He put the ultrasound wand on my belly and I could instantly see my precious baby on the screen.  He moved the wand around my belly while I laid there and tried to hold back my tears.  He calmly searched and searched around my baby's body, trying to find it's heartbeat.  I knew he should have found it very quickly at that point in a pregnancy.  He finally said something to the fact of  "I'm sorry, I can't find the heartbeat.  I'm going to get the doctor."  I knew then my precious baby was gone, and I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.  By the time my doctor and ultrasound tech arrived back in the ultrasound room, I was a wet, snotty mess.  My doctor showed me how there was no blood flowing to my baby any longer, and confirmed that there was not a heartbeat.  She told me my options were to wait several days to see if my body went into labor on it's own, but that could potentially take weeks, or that I could choose to be induced.  She strongly recommended delivery at a hospital past 14 weeks, as the placenta has developed to a point after 14 weeks that hemorrhaging during or after delivery is a concern.  She told me how sorry she was, and that I was welcome to bring my husband in that day or any day following if he wanted to see confirmation that the baby had passed before we made our decision.  My doctor and ultrasound tech then left the room and I was alone with a picture of my baby on the ultrasound screen.  How do you accept that a picture is all you will ever have on this earth of something so precious?  After sobbing for several minutes, I left the ultrasound room with a red face, puffy eyes, and a broken heart.

I arrived at my car, with the knowledge that my baby had died--inside of my womb.  For those few minutes, I was the only one of my family and friends that carried that knowledge.  With tears streaming down my face, I picked up my cell phone and called Brad.  Through sobs I told him about the events of that morning.  He was about 45 minutes away for work, but told me he would be on his way home.  I left the doctor's office and drove to my church, to tell my dad about the events of that morning, but mostly I just wanted to be hugged by someone safe that would tell me I was going to be ok.  My parents are unfortunately no stranger to miscarriage.  Their first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at around 7-8 weeks, and their second pregnancy was discovered to be a molar pregnancy at around 4-5 months.  They survived those trials, and I knew from their faith and perseverance that Brad and I could too.

The next day Brad and I went back to the doctor's office so Brad could see the ultrasound of our precious baby.  The ultrasound tech confirmed again that there was no heartbeat or blood flow to our baby.  We then met with the doctor and decided to proceed with an induction the following morning.  The next day we arrived at the OB unit of our hospital.  I changed into my hospital gown and started the induction medication.  My parents arrived and they and Brad sat with me all day.  I could not ask for a better family.  It took three rounds of medication and a little over 12 hours, but contractions finally started coming regularly.  Shortly after regular contractions started, my water broke, after which I started shaking and sobbing.  I don't really know why, other than broken water signified the end, my baby was coming soon.  When he was delivered, he was the tiniest baby the nurse said she had ever seen.  He was just 3 1/2 inches long and weighed less than a pound.  He had 10 fingers and 10 toes, a perfect yet tiny human.  Brad and I named him Owen, which means "little warrior".  I held Owen's body on a receiving blanket for a couple of hours and cried from the deepest parts of my soul.  Shortly after midnight I said my goodbyes to his body, and the nurse took him away.  I know that Owen's soul, the only part of him that really matters, is in Heaven, but as a mother, it pained me to say goodbye to my baby, a baby I will never know on this earth. 

To say that experience changed me, would be an understatement.  I feel a purpose I have not ever felt before.  Owen's life had meaning, even if his life on this earth was only for a few short weeks in my womb, and I feel a calling to not let that purpose be washed away with the tides of time. 

I sometimes wonder if Owen ever looks down on earth, on our family, and wonders what it would have been like to live with us in our home.  To play with Addi and Wyatt, for Brad and I to read him stories and take him to the park to play.  But our precious Owen spends his days praising our God and Savior.  He will never know the pain and suffering that this life on earth holds.  He took his first breath in Heaven. 

Thank you for reading my story. Miscarriage and stillbirth is not a topic that is easy to discuss or read about, but it is a pivotal point in any mother's life who lives through it. The weeks after Owen's delivery were highlighted with blood tests and a consultation with a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist to make sure there was nothing wrong with me that could point to a problem that caused the miscarriages.  Thankfully, I am completely normal by medical standards, but these miscarriages, coupled with some other health issues along the way have peaked my interest in health, the food we eat, and how it contributes to our daily lives.  God has walked with me through this journey, and I can see His hand in my life, though I don't always understand why life unfolds as it does, but I know  "...that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."  Philippians 1:6